I can die and it wouldn’t matter. I can say that with confidence and without looking for sympathy. I can leave forever and never come back and still no one would really have an ache or pain or wish that I was still around. The repetition of being fucked over again and again is enough to make me mad and it has. Wishing that I could get that one person to care for me as much as I care for them will never happen if I keep looking for it. No matter who it is. There is never any balance or equality with the ones I love. I don’t understand and maybe I never will. But really fuck you. Fuck you all. But most of all fuck me. Fuck me because I am the one who has let this happen. I let you all in and allowed myself to be harmed. I won’t stop letting people in because that’s not who I am. This constant struggle to find balance will never end. I know that. I am just sick of being at war with myself. Everything that happens is my fault. Everything that goes on and every time I get fucked over is because I have chose to let someone do that to me. Sure this sounds pathetic. There is a lot on my mind and venting seems to be the best option for now. Fuck it.
You can always count on me to be good for nothing.
you don’t really get it and you probably never will. but I’m sorry. i really am. but fuck me right?